Do you feel left out? Or do you purposely leave people out?


In this piece I will explore if being ostracized is the worst type of bullying. To purposely exclude someone is nasty and a proven form of bullying. Just for clarification let’s see what each of these terms mean: 

Ostracized - os·tra·cize

 (ŏs′trə-sīz′)

tr.v. os·tra·cized, os·tra·ciz·ing, os·tra·ciz·es

1. To exclude from a group or society:  2. To banish by ostracism, as in ancient Greece.


Exclude - exclude

 (ɪkˈskluːd)

vb (tr)

1. To keep out; prevent from entering

2. To reject or not consider; leave out

3. To expel forcibly; eject

4. (Education) to debar from school, either temporarily or permanently, as a form of punishment

[C14: from Latin exclūdere, from claudere to shut]


Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively dominate others. The behaviour is often repeated and habitual. One essential prerequisite is the perception, by the bully or by others, of an imbalance of social or physical power, which distinguishes bullying from conflict.[1]

Behaviours used to assert such domination can include verbal harassment or threat, physical assault or coercion, and such acts may be directed repeatedly towards particular targets. 

Credits: English Oxford Dictionary

              Wikipedia 

Now we understand the terms we can move forward. Please don’t be offended if you think I’m treating you like you are dumb, of course you know what these terms mean, but do you know that to purposely leave someone out is bullying. So, are you a bully? Is everyone welcome when you join your friends for drinks? Or do you role your eyes when Poppy invites Daisy along. 

Are you always invited to the best places and carefully choose who you tell? I’m not saying you need to invite the world and his dog, however in the circles that you mix in do you ensure that not everyone is welcome?


I guess it goes back to school, the most important power to ever have was to “pick your team” in PEI never got to pick and I was never picked, I hated PE. It was cold, I was lazy, I couldn’t do it and my Gym knickers made me feel exposed and vulnerable. My teacher was vile! It was only my friend Emma that got me through it, she won’t mind me telling you that she was equally as bad at P.E and she hated it just as much as me. We never got picked unless Miss Reece decided that the geeks were picking teams, which RARELY happened! She had her favourites and we all knew it. 

 

To be rejected in front of your peers really hurts. It’s not something that you brush off and it is in your subconscious eating away at your confidence for the rest of your life. Who says that people are popular? Who says that people are liked more so than others? Is there some almighty power that makes people popular and people unpopular? 

I would think that if you were a really nice person who was generous, thoughtful and kind then you would have lots of friends, you would be invited to every social gathering and you would be at the forefront of everyone’s mind when important decisions needed to be made. NOPE! Sorry, you are irrelevant, do you know why you are irrelevant? Because there’s no consequences to upsetting you. What are you going to do? Are you going to confront that person? Are you going to tell other people that you have been hurt by that person? Or will you make excuses for that person and probably blame yourself?


The truth is that the “popular people” are not loved more than the rest of us, they are merely feared. They will confront people, they will turn a lot of people against you and you will stop being invited to events. 

Even as an adult to be rejected by someone who you don’t even know or like is debilitating, we are embarrassed and conscious that this makes us less of a person. I wish I could say I don’t give a f**k, but come on who am I kidding? We all care about what other people think of us, no matter who you try to kid. 

I’ve heard all the comforters, “she’s just jealous,” “he’s scared of the competition,” “nobody likes her anyway” none of it matters when you get a text asking if you are going somewhere that EVERYONE is going to and you haven’t been invited. 

It may be an oversight, are you paranoid? Nah… I know that when I organise an event I want everyone to feel welcome, apart from that bitch who didn’t invite me to her party. She’s not coming!! 

 



 

 

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